B-day deal with the devil

This is breaking news. Following up on the story: "A Deal with the Devil", we have now learned what those unfortunate ill-gotten souls have been traded in for. In her deal with the devil, forum admin, Caeswen, has traded 22 of the most worthless and expendable souls.... Can I say that? Really? Ok. Well these soul have been sold to the devil in exchange for a second 29^th birthday.
I hope your second 29^th lasts forever, because it didn't come cheap.

Tomorrow's News, Today!

Just a few hours ago, Luke, one of the three admins of RPGR, was arrested for suspicion of terrorism in New York. We, as of yet, are not sure of what led them to believe he was tied to any actions related to terrorism, seeing his strong stance on.... apathy. Forum members are devastated at the news. Aldara, sobbing, pleaded for his safe return, "They can't take him away from me. We were getting married! I don't want to be an unwed mother! It's bad enough I have an alien in me!" Member Toki had angry words towards the NYPD. "Why was he arrested? He is one of us just trying make a living, just like the rest of us!" When informed of his half Indian decent, that is from India, and his loner and arrogant profile and the fact that racial profiling most likely played a major role in the Lazy One's arrest, she calmly said, "The system works. Thank God we got one more of those bomb-totting-brillo-beards off our streets." Most of the protesters out in force tonight were female, demanding his release. Most of the men of RPGR are content about where he is now.

In the seventh day of trial in the B4ct312i4Ir3zI vs. Sheep of New Zealand case, the sheep have taken the stand for the first time and new disturbing testimony has come light. Through their translator, a former member Bret, they revealed they were "visited" several times every night. Renzokuken remembered hearing B4ct312i4Ir3zI say, "On long, lonely nights, nothing beats a warm wool coat for my pecker." Renzokuken does recognize that he was the one that give the defendant the idea, but failed to realize that it never gets cold down under. In response to the questioning dealing with their habitual ordeal, the sheep bleeted out violently, "BAH BAH BAH BAH BAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

The lows we sink to

Site owner, Caeswen, has report that RPGR is going bankrupt. It is unknown whether or not if this is related to her dealings with the devil, but the site is in trouble. In an unexpected turn of events, I wish I could truthfully say that this is unexpected, she is auctioning off pairs of panties. When asked for the value, of her unmentionables, she responded, "Used or unused." I think I am going to be sick.

A deal with the devil, alien babies, and sheep

In news today, the owner of RPGR was caught making back-alley dealings with the devil today. Despite the declining value of souls these days, the trade-in price of a soul is still rather high. It is rumored in this transaction that 22 souls, with a value of 500,000 years of purgatory, were on the table. It is unknown what was offered in exchange for the souls or where they came from, but a backlash is expected any day now from the conservative right of RPGR.

In other news, RPGR member Aldara was seen leaving the Mayo Clinic today. After further investigation, it has been determined that she is pregnant with an alien child. She declined to comment on who the father of her unborn child is, but unnamed sources have revealed that Elian Gonzalez is the father.

The civil case of Sheep of New Zealand vs. B4ct312i4Ir3zI has entered its seventh day in court. The sheep have accused Mr. B4ct312i4Ir3zI of years of repeated sexual abuse, seeking a five million USD in pain and suffering. Mr. B4ct312i4Ir3zI has declined for comment at the advice of his lawyers in response to these claims. However, the animal rights activists have been more vocal on this landmark case. "This case is another step forward for the animal rights movement," said OmniRose. "It's time, that people begin see animals as equals and not as just sexual object. Animals have rights too. They deserved not to be used as sex toys." In response to the controversy and support they have received, the sheep responded with a cryptic and ominous, "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

Something wicked this way comes

Well, this is the start of something good and something bad, depending on who you are. This is the fourth estate taking hold at RPGR. That's right, fear the coming of the gossip column. Well this is the place I dish the dirt on our lovable cyber puppets that we know as fellow members. Unlike, most news outlets, the spin stops here.