Speaking of Sex

Two individuals I have had the unfortunate pleasure of making the acquaintance of have opened up the Gates of Hell, i.e. more British teen angst. They have revealed a more sensual and disgusting side of witchcraft; and I think wicca too. They have shown the world, and it's worse off for it, to be witchy is to be sexy. The witcher, the better. (Penny Arcade has no need to sue, I acknowledge it's your joke.) From its roots as a bunch of women prancing in a forest and getting hot and sweaty at the stake, to its wider appeal today ranging from those with no assertiveness to namely Harry Potter, it's always about the sex.

Now, I know most of you are going to scoff at me and just call me a loon, but I do have proof. Here it is: Harry Potter's Broomstick. Why didn't Mattel just call it "Happy Harry's Magical Wooden Ride"?
(There are other links, but use google for it damn it.)

Now if I still have the ability to connect the dots, I think witches have suffered unfairly for a simple misunderstanding. Flying on broomsticks? Wrong! They were just expressing their sexuality. Since female satisfaction wasn't invented yet, they were just making a euphemism with they midnight flights into the grassy plains.

Riding a broom to fly dear? Well make sure you ride the mop next. You are standing in a nasty puddle there. God forbid I slip on it and you start riding me to get up high.

So you see "witches" invented dildos and vibrator.

The burning at the stake? Well, let's just say... men aren't that dense. They saw how much fun the womenfolk had and wanted to see what the fuss was about. Needless to say it didn't end well. For either of them. Rest in peace Prince Edward.